Relating Together
Constructive Conflict resolution
Warm-up STEP NUMBER 1
Questions to ask yourself before engaging in conflict
What exactly do I want? (Wants/Needs)
Am I arguing in order to make up with sex?
Is this worth fighting about?
Do I want to hurt my partner?
(Acknowledging Intent)
Am I trying to get even? (Anger Management)
Am I arguing to win or am I arguing to come to an agreement or
solution? (Avoidance/Pursuit)
Does my reaction match this situation or am I over reacting
due to my personal history or our history together?
(Situation/Response)
Am I needing reassurance about something? Do I need to ask for
the reassurance I want? (Reassurance/Grain of Truth)
If, after answering the above you have validated your desire for
conflict (you are not avoiding your own issues by creating conflict)
then let your partner know you have a conflict and want to find a
solution with them and move on the next step.
Set the Time STEP NUMBER 2
Uninterrupted time is vital. Conflict before bedtime, in bed, in
the car, before leaving for work or social event or when time is
limited by some expected event is sabotaging.
Request a mutually agreeable time for the fight.
Do I have time to argue, or will I be rushed?
Try to make it within twenty-four hours of any disagreement.
Once the day and time is set, keep the date.
Increasing positive predictability
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